Sep. 25th, 2013

cinema_babe: (Autumn Road)
There are still times, more often than not, when I feel like I'm leading with my left foot when everyone else is leading with their right. I just don't feel as smart as the rest of the herd.

I can't drop names and spout theory like some of the people in my cohort.

I'm a pretty shitty teacher and I don't have the passion for it that a lot of the others do.

I'm getting through stats by the skin of my teeth. For half the class this is a refresher, for me this is like learning Russian. Medieval Russian.

I'm only making Bs in my writing assignments.

But....

I'm trapped on a group project from hell with this harpy on a topic I don't give a rat's ass about. I told her pick whatever, I will research and write on it because that is what I do.

We met with our professor and this woman still didn't have a clear idea what to do and kept asking the prof what we should do for our project. The professor through out the idea of doing a social network map and analysis of a group of organizations and everyone's face went blank

Except for mine.

I immediately caught on to what she was suggesting. She and I began tossing out literature to look at, what method to use to get good data, software we could use to construct the map, etc. I could feel my brain kick into overdrive. I could feel my face light up.

The other people in the group were looking at me like I had 3 heads.

I forget sometimes that I am a plodding tortoise, not a speedy jackrabbit. I am slow but persistent and I know what I know. And when you put me in my zone I can move at the speed of light.

I'll never be a tiger lily, an iris or even a daffodil. I am a geode. And if I just keep being a geode, and stop comparing myself to the roses and peonies and anemones, I'll be good.

It'll all be good.

No you can't always tell one from another
And it's best not to judge a book by it's tattered cover
I have found when I tried or looked deeper inside
What appears unadorned might be wondrously formed
You can't always tell but sometimes you just know

'Round here we throw geodes in our gardens
They're as common as the rain or corn silk in July
Unpretentious browns and grays the stain of Indiana clay
They're what's left of shallow seas, glacial rock and mystery
And inside their shines a secret bright as promise
Carrie Newcomer


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