Mar. 27th, 2006 07:42 pm
cinema_babe: (Flash. cleavage)
My mind has forged a link between this Leonard Cohen poem and my feelings about kissing. I suspect it's because for me, this poem captures the inner monologue that swirls through the a lover's mind during a final kiss.

Or maybe not.

This is one of his poems; I don't know if he ever set it to music. Every time I read it a Celtic/modal tune plays in my head. Maybe I'll write it down one day or even record it.

Or maybe not.

This piece always makes me think of the sea in autumn; brine and woodsmoke in my nose. At the same time it reminds me of an Irish landscape, like something from Ryan's Daughter. This poem haunts me because in it I see the faces of some of the men I left and some of the men who left me.

TRAVEL by Leonard Cohen

Loving you, flesh to flesh, I often thought
Of traveling penniless to some mud throne
Where a master might instruct me how to plot
My life away from pain, to love alone
In the bruiseless embrace of stone and lake.

Lost in the fields of your hair I was never lost
Enough to lose a way I had to take;
Breathless beside your body I could not exhaust
The will that forbid me contract, vow,
Or promise, and often while you slept
I looked in awe beyond your beauty.

Now I know why many men have stopped and wept
Halfway between the loves they leave and seek,
And wondered if travel leads them anywhere -
Horizons keep the soft line of your cheek,
The windy sky's a locket for your hair.
cinema_babe: (Lips)
Tonight I’d like to tip my hat to the men who have passed through my life. There have been a few more then I’d care to admit to my mother but probably not as many as some of my friends might think.

There were the ones who I wanted but didn’t return my interest, there were the ones who wanted me but didn’t capture mine. There were the men who treated me like a big sister and the ones who made me their whore. I’ve got to mention the one who kissed me in the stairwell when I was in high school; the same one who broke my heart in college. He was sweet then and I bet he’s still as sweet.

Some of them came through my life with the whiff of destiny about them, we were fated to be together. Others were like pirates who snuck in before I even knew they were there. Some made me beg and others came crawling on their hands and knees. (A crumb of affection can be the most powerful magnet in the world.)

There was the man who told me at our 20th High School Reunion how he used to watch me run across the courtyard of our high school because he liked the way my (generous) breasts bounced. It’s funny what people will confess after a few drinks.

One day I met a man who was a baby, complete id, and we became babies together and I bound my feet and married him. When the nightmare began to leave fresh blood in my tears, I escaped, the shame of my failure like a scarlet letter on my insides.

A strange angel touched me. He kissed my scarred dream and helped me make her beautiful.

This is my bright and shining gallery of rogues. I carry a thousand tiny torches for them in a million different ways. Each of them has left a microscopic tattoo that I will bear forever.
cinema_babe: (Sexy)
If you don't follow my logic, please don't throw (big) stones at me, a simple comment such as, "HUH??" will suffice. So what does the Johari Window have to do with my theories on on-line romance?

According to the Johari Window, every relationship has the four quadrants (Hidden, Open, Blind and Unknown). When people are getting to know each other strictly through technologically mediated communication (internet, phone, IM, etc) there is a near inability to have a “Blind” quadrant. Everything you know about your inamorata (or new best buddy or whatever) is based on what they allow you to see and when they let you see it. I suspect that a large part of what determines if we want someone in our life as a friend and/or lover comes from the blind quadrant. Why? Think about this. How many times have you been on a first or even second date and the potential relationship just fizzled? S/he never called again. You might not know what it was that caused the person to lose interest. Maybe they were never that into you in the first place. That’s all part of your blind quadrant; The part of you that only that other person knows.

Anyone can *sound* sweet or sensitive, or whatever it is you need, in an email. Your perception of them is filtered through what they choose to show you of themselves. To be sure some people are very lousy at lying or hiding. You might know just by your interaction on line that this is not someone you can trust or want to be with. Even then, you are only seeing a part of the person, the part they choose to bring on line.

Let me clarify, I'm *not* talking about people who become acquainted on line but move their courtship into the F2F realm. I do believe that people who have only communicated via computer or phone can develop feelings that are very real and intense, but I liken those feelings to flowers grown in a hothouse: beautiful blooms that flower in an artificial environment. For me the question is always, can this survive outside of the hothouse? When someone is courting you on-line they will always seem far more perfect because that part of the other person that only you know is filtered through what they reveal you. Like many pack animals, humans depend on tangible contact, in real time, to fully assess their partner's worthiness (you can’t sniff someone’s ass through a DSL line!) I think so called on-line relationships rob humans of that chance to size up their new mate. This is the result of the loss of the blind quadrant.

Right now, there are probably people saying, “But I/my friend Millie/my aunt Joan, (pick one) met someone on line and we’re/they’re sooooo happy!”

To that I would say two things. One, I never said that people can’t *meet* and get to know each other each other on line. I just think the aliveness, the full sizing up, can’t take place without time spent together in person. I didn’t say these folks didn’t fall in love, I just have a hard time putting stock in it happening sight unseen (and a bunch of pixels arranged in JPEG format is not truly sight, lol.)

The other thing I would say is the whole concept of mating via the Internet is still relatively new. (Newsflash, 10 years is a drop in the bucket of time!) I think it will likely be another 10-30 years before we can really assess how successful Match.coms and eHarmonys of the world are over the long term.

True, there were mail order brides and arranged marriages years and in those cases the couple might not meet until the wedding. That is true however, we’ve never had the phenomenon of people meeting and marrying with so little face to face time in conjunction with the complete person freedom to be who you want. In the past, the roles of "husband" and "wife" were strictly delineated and and significant deviance could result in social censure. If a man ordered a bride from a catalog everyone knew that part of her role would be to take care of the house, while his would be to provide financial support. Today each person has an array of life choices to make. This complicates the idea of ordering up Mr and Ms Right. The meshing of roles and expectations is a tricky negotiation in the best of circumstances but conducted without the benefit of body language and vocal inflections it can create a minefield.
cinema_babe: (Default)
Despite all of the unwarranted (and unwanted) trouble in my life these days, I got great news today: two friends of mine are in love with each other. These are two people who radiate absolute goodness from their core. They are two souls wild and pure of heart. They have both lived a 21st century kind of life and bear the bumps and bruises of trying to connect and trying to connect, but up until now it's hasn't been with the right person at the right time.

I am so happy for them. I believe that sometimes shit happens and sometimes God lays certain paths in front of us and we have the choice of whether to take them or not. I'm so glad these two chose to take the path that brought them together.

I was going to post some lyrics from Love Song by the Cure but the thought of poetry 3 days in a row.....

....Oh what the hell!

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

For K and R, ain't it grand.

March 2017

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