cinema_babe: (Bandaged Heart)
[personal profile] cinema_babe
346 days.

Once upon a time I met a man. We had been reading each other’s blogs, and realizing that we lived close to each other, made a date. That was the beginning of a lusty, passionate fling. Neither of us wanted to commit to a future. Until one day I looked up to see him staring at me and I started crying because we both knew that things had gone from a fling into being in love with each other. No relationship is perfect but some are good and this was good.

I'll just jump to the end. On a Tuesday he threw a blood clot which caused a stroke. Wednesday night he had another, more devastating stroke and the damage was too great. He was declared brain dead by one doctor and in 24 hours after another doctor confirmed the diagnosis he would be removed from life support.

I stayed with him all night I holding his hand and talking to him about the vacation we had put a down payment on, the memories we had made. I finally left about 8am the next morning with only 346 days of memories.

What’s a girl to do?

346 wonderful, lusty, funny, exciting, comforting loving days. Today is 7 years since he died. 7 years.

I believe that things that happen aren't good or bad but that it’s what we do with it that matters. My love was an organ donor. In his death people were able to see again, 2 dying people got kidneys. In his death other people were given such great gifts.

Every March I ask all of my friends and readers to do something that is difficult for many people: make arrangements to donate your organs; discuss your wishes with your loved ones and encourage them to do the same.

**Parents, I ask you to do the most difficult thing of all: sit down with your co-parent and discuss organ donation if the unthinkable befalls your child.**

If you are racial or ethnic minority this is even more important as too many minorities die waiting for an organ. Go to “Donate a Life” for more information, including the position of most major religions on organ donation.

I don't think about him every day anymore, but I remember the day I met him and how I learned that I can love and be loved. Time did help to heal the wound of losing him but the scar will always be there; a small divot in the lawn that the grass has grown over and only I know it’s there.

I’m begging you to please have that conversation. Thanks.

Date: 2014-03-09 08:17 pm (UTC)
ext_59934: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
thank you for sharing this!

i started giving blood while at university, where the topic of organ donation arose. i dont give blood any more, but since then i have carried an 'i am an organ donor' card in my wallet and signed up to the Organ Donation Register. i have also informed my parents and partner that these are my (strongly felt) wishes.

it, like giving blood, is a really important thing - and i feel ...comforted... knowing my death will help other people.

i am sorry about your love, but he did a great and noble thing.

Date: 2014-03-09 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you so much. No need to feel sorry for me, we had a great run; I was very lucky to have had him in my life.

Date: 2014-03-09 08:25 pm (UTC)
ext_59934: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
in case you're interested, is the organ donor information/register for the UK.

Date: 2014-03-09 08:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
TY, I added it to the posts I made on my Facebook accounts.

Date: 2014-03-09 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I have another friend, this weekend was the anniversary of her husband's suicide.
Edited Date: 2014-03-09 08:35 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-03-09 08:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Awww, I'm so sorry, I know how difficult that can be. If she hasn't she should go to teh website for The American Faoundation for Suicide Prevention:

They have resources for survivors of suicide and sponsor Out of the Darkness Walks to raise money for awareness and advocacy for suicide prevention programs.

I hope she's able to find peace.

Date: 2014-03-09 11:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It was 16 years ago. Shes mostly ok but on the anniversary, it hits her hard, even now

Date: 2014-03-10 01:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Long sad story short, I'm a big fan of organ donation. I'm even up for a living kidney donation, if I'm a match.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Date: 2014-03-10 03:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Not a sad story at all. I was loved, he was loved and when he died others got the organs they so desperately needed. That's a happy ending, isn't it?

None of us are promised forever, not even one second.

Date: 2014-03-10 02:10 am (UTC)
ashbet: (Winterheart)
From: [personal profile] ashbet
I am so, so sorry for your loss -- I wish that you could have had more time.

You're doing something amazing in his memory, and I respect the hell out of you for it.

Kira and I have had to regretfully remove ourselves as organ donors (our faulty collagen means that the organs might harm the recipient), but we have living wills that state that we want to donate our bodies to science, particularly any researchers who work on connective-tissue genetic defects. While I wish that we could give the gift of a life, we can at least choose to try to be unselfish with our deaths, and hopefully help others in that way.

I strongly support organ donation, and I am glad you are speaking up about it -- too few people do.

*gentle hugs*

-- A <3

Date: 2014-03-10 09:59 am (UTC)

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