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Dec. 9th, 2005 12:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cinema_babeLast night, I dreamt I went to Manderley again.
Oh wait, that wasn't me.
Last night, I dreamt I overslept. Yeah, that's more like it.
So I cried a lot in the therapist's office last night. In many ways Christmas will be shitty for me this year. (Takes her seat on the Pity Pot) No job, no husband, no money, no tree, no presents for my friends and family, no home, no big warm kitchen filled with the competing smells of meat and sweet. Yeah this is going to bring up all sorts of bad stuff from my JW childhood.
(Vacates Pity Pot)
So my therapist says to look at the stuff I'm grateful for because that can help me keep my prospective. Damn her for being right. When I focus on not just the good stuff I have now but all the *potential* that's right around the corner, it does make me feel less gloomy.
To be sure, Christmas will suck on many different levels and I am experiencing fresh levels of hell that I never imagined in my worse nightmares. However, I'm going to grad school (somewhere, some way), I'm rewriting my life as I sit here. I've got a chance backtrack and take the other fork in the road. I am loved.
So Christmas might be shitty for me this year but it's just one year and as long as I have a next year, next month, next day, I've got potential out the wazoo and it doesn't get any better then that.
Oh wait, that wasn't me.
Last night, I dreamt I overslept. Yeah, that's more like it.
So I cried a lot in the therapist's office last night. In many ways Christmas will be shitty for me this year. (Takes her seat on the Pity Pot) No job, no husband, no money, no tree, no presents for my friends and family, no home, no big warm kitchen filled with the competing smells of meat and sweet. Yeah this is going to bring up all sorts of bad stuff from my JW childhood.
(Vacates Pity Pot)
So my therapist says to look at the stuff I'm grateful for because that can help me keep my prospective. Damn her for being right. When I focus on not just the good stuff I have now but all the *potential* that's right around the corner, it does make me feel less gloomy.
To be sure, Christmas will suck on many different levels and I am experiencing fresh levels of hell that I never imagined in my worse nightmares. However, I'm going to grad school (somewhere, some way), I'm rewriting my life as I sit here. I've got a chance backtrack and take the other fork in the road. I am loved.
So Christmas might be shitty for me this year but it's just one year and as long as I have a next year, next month, next day, I've got potential out the wazoo and it doesn't get any better then that.
