Ponderings As I Go To Sleep
Mar. 12th, 2007 11:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cinema_babeThere are so many people I'll need to thank when the dust settles. So many thoughts I want to commit to pixels before they are forgotten. Someone suggested I take the anniversary trip to Cape May we talked about. Maybe some day, the thought is too much for me to bear right now.
Life in general is a bit of burden right now.
Right now I can only nibble at the day in one and two hour increments. That's okay, I'll just keep doing what I need to do to get through the next 24 hours and the 24 hours after that.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with love and support I'm getting. I'm not sure what it says about me that I thought I'd have to bear this loss alone. It speaks volumes about Jim's friend, many o whom didn't know me or know of me until this happened.
Now that the other shoe has dropped I'll walk across this busted glass on a loss and be happy for pain of my torn and bloody feet because at least I can feel it and I'm not shut down and disconnected.
A friend of mine sent me the last few lines of a Whitman poem that resonates with me tonight:
What do you think has become of the young and old men?
And what do you think has become of the women and children?
They are alive and well somewhere,
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the end to arrest it,
And ceas'd the moment life appear'd.
All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.
I think about the gift of his organs that he gave and I think abut how the succession of lifetimes that converge and diverge is a ladder like structure that goes, "onward and outward, nothing collaps[ing].
Tonight my heart is wounded and torn but there is no luckier woman in the world.
I loved a man and he loved me
We had no reservations or expectations
I lost him
But he left me with no words unspoken
And I had the chance to say
Good bye
Tonight my heart is wounded and torn but there is no luckier woman in the world.
Life in general is a bit of burden right now.
Right now I can only nibble at the day in one and two hour increments. That's okay, I'll just keep doing what I need to do to get through the next 24 hours and the 24 hours after that.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with love and support I'm getting. I'm not sure what it says about me that I thought I'd have to bear this loss alone. It speaks volumes about Jim's friend, many o whom didn't know me or know of me until this happened.
Now that the other shoe has dropped I'll walk across this busted glass on a loss and be happy for pain of my torn and bloody feet because at least I can feel it and I'm not shut down and disconnected.
A friend of mine sent me the last few lines of a Whitman poem that resonates with me tonight:
What do you think has become of the young and old men?
And what do you think has become of the women and children?
They are alive and well somewhere,
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the end to arrest it,
And ceas'd the moment life appear'd.
All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.
I think about the gift of his organs that he gave and I think abut how the succession of lifetimes that converge and diverge is a ladder like structure that goes, "onward and outward, nothing collaps[ing].
Tonight my heart is wounded and torn but there is no luckier woman in the world.
I loved a man and he loved me
We had no reservations or expectations
I lost him
But he left me with no words unspoken
And I had the chance to say
Good bye
Tonight my heart is wounded and torn but there is no luckier woman in the world.
