Bits and Pixels
Mar. 29th, 2007 06:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cinema_babeI've had about 15 people LJ friend me in the past few weeks. I'm going to bet that most of you didn't really know what to expect. I've been bleeding all over this journal as of late. The pace of my angst ridden posts is slowing up a bit but it will likely continue for some time.
The funny thing is that 98% of the time I'm really quite okay. I go to work, hang out with people I know, talk on the phone, IM, email, conduct the business of my life with aplomb. 98% of the time I'm quite functional and okay. I seem to get most emotional right before going to sleep and first thing in the morning. I think I process a lot of what's going on in my sleep. There have a been a few mornings when I woke up in full convulsive sobs.
But this is very much the exception, not the rule. If that's what I need to do to keep going, I'm cool with that.
The number one question I get is, "Are you okay?/How are you?" Am I okay? Not 100%, someone I love very much died suddenly. It was like he was ripped out of my arms and disappeared into a void. I've got to find a new "normal", a new set of life rituals and I will. I'm never really sure how to answer that question, maybe because the answer frightens me sometimes.
But this journal is a snapshot, my thoughts and emotions at a precise moment, crystallized, frozen at the pinpoint moment in time. I mourn and rage but I also laugh and sing and gaze at the flowering daffodils with joy.
Keep watching this space for more Emo, Joy, Angst, Memes and a bunch of other stuff.
The funny thing is that 98% of the time I'm really quite okay. I go to work, hang out with people I know, talk on the phone, IM, email, conduct the business of my life with aplomb. 98% of the time I'm quite functional and okay. I seem to get most emotional right before going to sleep and first thing in the morning. I think I process a lot of what's going on in my sleep. There have a been a few mornings when I woke up in full convulsive sobs.
But this is very much the exception, not the rule. If that's what I need to do to keep going, I'm cool with that.
The number one question I get is, "Are you okay?/How are you?" Am I okay? Not 100%, someone I love very much died suddenly. It was like he was ripped out of my arms and disappeared into a void. I've got to find a new "normal", a new set of life rituals and I will. I'm never really sure how to answer that question, maybe because the answer frightens me sometimes.
But this journal is a snapshot, my thoughts and emotions at a precise moment, crystallized, frozen at the pinpoint moment in time. I mourn and rage but I also laugh and sing and gaze at the flowering daffodils with joy.
Keep watching this space for more Emo, Joy, Angst, Memes and a bunch of other stuff.
