Veteran's Day, 2005

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Robert Frost


The first time I read this poem, I was in a high school and I loved the phrase, "From what I've tasted of desire/I hold with those who favor fire. I had no idea what he meant beyond a cognitive understanding the words. I was still a baby with a hell of a lot to learn.

Today, I am on the threshold of middle age and I still have a lot to learn but I did pick up a few things since I was in high school. I know the bitter taste of betrayal and the scorched earth left behind by the rage it brings in its wake. I have also lived with a hate so cold that it nearly stopped my heart.

Fire will leave a pile of ashes but ice can leave something sadder; the preserved memory of what was; frozen but empty of all life.

Yes Mr Frost, both fire and ice can destroy the world each in it's terrible way. Thank you for saying it so eloquently.

The post where I talk about having cancer

One of the life roles I inhabit is 'cancer survivor" July 2004 I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. The state of the art treatment is the same as it's been for over 20 years: a complete hysterectomy. So on September 8, 2004 I wrote a letter to my uterus and ovaries telling them goodbye and thanking them. I waited until my husband was asleep (we had suspended talk of ending our marriage while I recovered) and I burned it in the back yard like an offering. The next morning, I trundled off to the hospital, got good and drugged up and slept while they removed my womb and ovaries. Afterward I had one major setback, about 6 weeks of radiation treatments and now we just watch. (Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock)

I can honestly say that I was more upset about the hysterectomy part then I was about having cancer. I'm not sure if that was because all of the medical professionals and literature touted how high the survival rate is for this type of cancer or it was just my mind's way of protecting itself.

The following was written a couple of days before I went into the hospital. I'm putting it behind a cut for now but I might change that later.

( Bitter and Sad, Table for One! )

It's funny because I never thought those intense feelings would fade but they did. There are times when I can almost forget all of this happened but those moments don't last long. Surviving cancer is a 'one day at a time' proposition and for today, everything is pretty good.