Nice Guy Syndrome - Part 2
Oct. 21st, 2012 03:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cinema_babeI originally wrote "Nice Guy" post several months ago for another blog I have on a popular dating/introduction site.
Based on the comments I to on both sites, women universally knew who "that guy" was. All of their comments we very, very similar. Almost all of us have had at least one of them in our life.
Men's reactions tended to fall into one of three categories:
(1) "OMG, I'm concerned that this might be me" or "I hope this isn't me"
(2) "Guys who do that suck" or
(3) they try to justify the Nice Guy's behavior ("Hey you shouldn't be so rough on these guys, you don't know what it's like for them" or the ever popular, "Why so you have to be such a bitch?")
Another note, this "Nice Guy" behavior isn't just about sex (although there may be a component of it). They always talk in terms of a relationship; being the object of their affection's boyfriend. I've even seen them become pissy if someone suggests that the interest is about the sex. In fact that's the primary fault he will cite about all of he "assholes" she becomes involved with. He will position himself s Galahad, someone with a pure(ish) love and devotion.
I've always interpreted this kind of behavior as more indicative of a sense of objectification and ownership. It's not, "I like this woman and I'm bummed that she doesn't like me back in the same way". The mindset seems to be more along the lines of being angry at a pet that won't listen or something you're purchased that doesn't perform the way you want it to. This objectification of the woman becomes generalized and devolves into the misogynistic "women just want to date assholes, they can't appreciate a nice guy" line of thought.
Based on the comments I to on both sites, women universally knew who "that guy" was. All of their comments we very, very similar. Almost all of us have had at least one of them in our life.
Men's reactions tended to fall into one of three categories:
(1) "OMG, I'm concerned that this might be me" or "I hope this isn't me"
(2) "Guys who do that suck" or
(3) they try to justify the Nice Guy's behavior ("Hey you shouldn't be so rough on these guys, you don't know what it's like for them" or the ever popular, "Why so you have to be such a bitch?")
Another note, this "Nice Guy" behavior isn't just about sex (although there may be a component of it). They always talk in terms of a relationship; being the object of their affection's boyfriend. I've even seen them become pissy if someone suggests that the interest is about the sex. In fact that's the primary fault he will cite about all of he "assholes" she becomes involved with. He will position himself s Galahad, someone with a pure(ish) love and devotion.
I've always interpreted this kind of behavior as more indicative of a sense of objectification and ownership. It's not, "I like this woman and I'm bummed that she doesn't like me back in the same way". The mindset seems to be more along the lines of being angry at a pet that won't listen or something you're purchased that doesn't perform the way you want it to. This objectification of the woman becomes generalized and devolves into the misogynistic "women just want to date assholes, they can't appreciate a nice guy" line of thought.
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no subject
Date: 2012-10-21 07:34 pm (UTC)Further: http://feministphysed.wordpress.com/2012/09/19/inside-every-woman-theres-a-tasty-sex-treat/
(Links to the "I am not a puzzle box" post, along with the two Captain Awkward posts that sparked it.)
-- A :)
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Date: 2012-10-21 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-21 09:22 pm (UTC)Guy who are jerks can present with confidence and charisma which seems attractive to most women. Not every man with confidence and charisma is an asshole and not every asshole projects confidence and charisma.
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Date: 2012-10-21 09:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 08:18 am (UTC)And hi :) It's been a while.
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Date: 2012-10-25 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-25 05:46 pm (UTC)