Poly Me II: Redux
Feb. 14th, 2007 11:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cinema_babeI originally posted this on July 6, 2006. What I didn't know was that about a week later I went away for a weekend that changed the course of my life. As much as my life has changed, what I wrote back then is still mostly true today.
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I had an interesting conversation yesterday with someone and the subject of polyamory and polysexuality came up (don't ask, lol). I talked about how, for me, sex usually happened in a relationship before love (sometimes loooong before), it's just something on the path, another way we get to know each other. (Okay so this happens to me all the time. What can I say, I'm a bit of a slut.)
The question was asked of me "So, what do you want? What are you hoping for?"
I thought about it for a moment and this is how I replied (not verbatim but fairly close):
I'm open to any configuration that is loving, honest and works for everyone. I describe myself as a "dyad oriented poly with a constellation" which is my fancy way of saying that I tend to feel the emotional pull of one man more then the others in my life. Although, I care for them all one tends to become a 'first among equals' if not my actual 'mate'.*
Could I sustain a love relationship with 2 (or more) men with equal intensity and attention for all of them? I dunno, I might be too lazy for that, lol.
I guess the result I'm hoping for is the same thing every human wants, to find someone (or several of them) who matters to me and who I matter to. Someone to drive me to the hospital if I need to go, someone I have to be accountable to, someone I need to consult with (or at least advise) if I decide to move; someone to say, "remember in 2007 when we..." Someone (or several of them) who notices how intently I watch a movie and how my belly scar puckers.
Someone to mourn me when I die and who will miss me. Someone I will mourn and miss.
When I was diagnosed with cancer I realized that for me the hardest part of dying would be that I leave nothing behind, no children, no wealth to distribute, no great work of art. In 20 or 40 years I would cease to be even a memory for many of the people in my life. I want someone (or several of them) who will remember me and put flowers on my grave on my birthday. Someone (or several of them) for whom I would do the same.
And oh yeah, freaky, dirty, monkey sex out the yin yang too.
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*This is the reason I wrestled with the idea of being poly for so long. It wasn't until I realized that polyamory was more about my acceptance and support of my SOs' other relationships than my own feelings for other people that I was ready to embrace that label as a part of me.
*********************************
I had an interesting conversation yesterday with someone and the subject of polyamory and polysexuality came up (don't ask, lol). I talked about how, for me, sex usually happened in a relationship before love (sometimes loooong before), it's just something on the path, another way we get to know each other. (Okay so this happens to me all the time. What can I say, I'm a bit of a slut.)
The question was asked of me "So, what do you want? What are you hoping for?"
I thought about it for a moment and this is how I replied (not verbatim but fairly close):
I'm open to any configuration that is loving, honest and works for everyone. I describe myself as a "dyad oriented poly with a constellation" which is my fancy way of saying that I tend to feel the emotional pull of one man more then the others in my life. Although, I care for them all one tends to become a 'first among equals' if not my actual 'mate'.*
Could I sustain a love relationship with 2 (or more) men with equal intensity and attention for all of them? I dunno, I might be too lazy for that, lol.
I guess the result I'm hoping for is the same thing every human wants, to find someone (or several of them) who matters to me and who I matter to. Someone to drive me to the hospital if I need to go, someone I have to be accountable to, someone I need to consult with (or at least advise) if I decide to move; someone to say, "remember in 2007 when we..." Someone (or several of them) who notices how intently I watch a movie and how my belly scar puckers.
Someone to mourn me when I die and who will miss me. Someone I will mourn and miss.
When I was diagnosed with cancer I realized that for me the hardest part of dying would be that I leave nothing behind, no children, no wealth to distribute, no great work of art. In 20 or 40 years I would cease to be even a memory for many of the people in my life. I want someone (or several of them) who will remember me and put flowers on my grave on my birthday. Someone (or several of them) for whom I would do the same.
And oh yeah, freaky, dirty, monkey sex out the yin yang too.
*******************
*This is the reason I wrestled with the idea of being poly for so long. It wasn't until I realized that polyamory was more about my acceptance and support of my SOs' other relationships than my own feelings for other people that I was ready to embrace that label as a part of me.
