cinema_babe | (no subject)

For the first time Since March 6 I have made it through 24 hours without crying.

The weather was beautiful even though I was trapped in a training room all day.

Sometime when I wasn't looking apparently Spring showed up.

And soon it will be my birthday, and then his birthday, and then Fall and Christmas and he will be dead a year and then a decade and then one day I'll be gone and our most intimate shared memories will go with me.

Mr Blue Eyes is on another business trip, he is due back this weekend and I hope I will be able to spend a day with him. I am hugging my other guys a little tighter for a bit longer these days. Lucky girl that I am, they hug me a little tighter for a bit longer right back.

I do not think I will ever truly recover from losing Jim. I am not as resilient as I used to be and maybe a touch harder than I was when loss first decided to camp outside my front door. That being said, I will be okay and I know that some day I will have a new DOM and a new love who welcomes and respects the loves who are in my life right now. (It'll be a heck of a lot easier if it's one person. I only have a finite number of hours in my day.)

There are times I feel like a shattered tumbler but I'm not. I'm a chipped glass and time will sand down that jagged edge on the rim and one day I will be filled again to the brim with trust, love and affection to be drunk and I'll drink from vessel of the man I love in return.